The Beginning

"Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Psalm 139: 23,24

10 years ago, I was invited to a church camp outside of a small town in Oklahoma. That was the second best invitation I've ever received. The best invitation I ever received was the second night of that camp. That morning, the pastor was talking about Jesus and His capacity to save. I think. It was ten years ago, so it's a little fuzzy, but I can just about bet on it. I do remember the pastor stressing the need for everyone to accept Jesus into their hearts. They weren't allowing us to come up to the front until that night. I was heart broken! What if I choked on my lunch and I died before I could ask Jesus to save me? My family didn't go to church, so I had no idea how Salvation worked, I didn't know that I didn't need anybody else to help me, furthermore, I didn't know what to say. I chewed very carefully at lunch and supper, I looked both ways before I crossed any of the roads at the camp, and I stayed in the shallow end of the pool. I wasn't taking any chances. The evening service finally came and I couldn't wait until they had the invitation at the end of the service. I remember being scared and hesitant at first, but my desire to know God won out in the end.

Fast forward nine years later and I'm a college freshman who has fallen out of touch with God. I didn't like to think about church, the Bible or Jesus because every time I did, I felt a tremendous sense of guilt and shame. In the span of two short years, I went from the girl who spent her extra time at church in services, as an intern for the youth pastor or helping out with VBS to being the girl that never went to church and rarely talked to anybody from church. I told myself I was under appreciated for everything I did at the church to help push the guilt from my mind. About a year later, I figured out what was keeping me from God and I came back to Him. It felt great to be with God again. To have Him at the forefront of my mind and to be able to lean on Him without feeling guilty for only praying when I absolutely needed help was an amazing feeling which I hadn't felt in over three years. God showed me the urgency of a blog early in my renewed relationship with Him. The purpose of the blog, I'm not entirely sure. I guess that remains to be seen.